The Main Character

God’s grace has been given to me. So here is what I say to every one of you. Don’t think of yourself more highly than you should.
-Romans 12:3​


I was having a conversation with my 14-year-old daughter the other day. I was up a few stairs in my bedroom and she was in the kitchen. We're both fairly loud people so this is no problem for us. 

There was a little break in the conversation, and then I had heard her say something again. I heard my wife's voice too. I called down and said, "I can't hear you, what did you say?" More mumbled conversation. I called out a little louder, "Hey, I didn't hear that, say it again!"

And then, crystal clear with shockingly powerful projection, I heard: 

"DAD, YOU'RE NOT THE MAIN CHARACTER"

Apparently my daughter had begun a completely new conversation after ending ours, and I didn't realize that I was inserting myself into it. 

But I have to say, that quote is sticking with me (especially after I stopped crying).
Have you ever taken time to think about the fact that you are not the main character in anyone else's life but your own? 

It's natural for us to see the world as revolving around us. Our wants, our needs, our norms, our comfort levels, and our ways of experiencing the world. To be fair, we really don't have any other frame of reference. We only experience the world through how we relate to it. And so, of course we're the main character in our own minds. 

I think the problem starts when we think we're supposed to be the main character in all the stories that we encounter. That's when we start to develop attitudes about everything that doesn't benefit us directly or fit into our own story. We can even get offended when conversations and moments unfolding around us aren't directed toward us as the primary recipient. 

I remember walking across the borderlands of Scotland, chatting with people, realizing that most folks didn't really care about the U.S. It was a reminder to me that my country wasn't the center of the world, and neither was I. Even my life would come and go, and these fine people would continue on, completely unaware. 
That can be terrifying or upsetting. Or it can be an opportunity for perspective, humility, and even joy. 

I find my daughter's reminder that I am not the main character to be very important. I think this holds particular importance right now for people like me as a white U.S. American—where having a big ego is celebrated and expected—and as a disciple of Jesus—where a primary calling of life is to think less often of ourselves at the center, so that we can learn to be other-oriented with the compassion Jesus showed us. Oil and water, friends. 

I need places where I'm not the main character. Places like earlier this week, where I was in a room where everyone was speaking another language and laughing and celebrating. Places where I can't fool myself into believing the false notion that things revolve around me or my comfort. 

Other people don't exist to serve my needs or make me comfortable. 
Jesus taught me that. 

On the contrary, I exist to serve, to understand, and to love other people. Not all of life must be a battle to be won against those who are different from me. I do not need to see everything unfamiliar as a threat. And I do not need to see everything that isn't directed toward me as a slight. You know why? Because according to my teenager, I'm not the main character in their story. 

Of course, this doesn't mean that disciples of Jesus should take a laissez-faire approach to life and what happens around us. But it also means that when we find ourselves in moments outside of our own comfort, we can choose to be led by curiosity and humility. 

We can choose to use our energy in ways that are formed more by the heart of Jesus and less by the algorithms' goals of offense or outrage.

There's beauty in learning to release the role of main character. And it extends far beyond our relationships with the outside world, into the more complicated realities of the human heart. In my interior life, I will be far healthier thinking of the grace and example of Jesus before thinking about my own priorities. As John the Baptist articulated, "He [Jesus] must become more, I must become less." That's John's way of testifying that there's an even better main character in the story than him, even in his own life. 

This week, may you practice care and curiosity. May you willingly step to the side and embrace the beauty of moments beyond your familiarity. And may you allow Jesus to take up so much space within you, that nothing is untouched by his love. 

Jesus, help me be a little less about me this week. 

Peace,
Keith