We All Need a Button

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. 
-Galatians 6:2
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
-Ephesians 4:2

The Journal of Experimental Social Psychology from 1971 tells of a test that has been repeatedly done over the decades to study stress. People were asked to do tasks that required concentration (like puzzles) while being blasted with loud sounds at strange intervals. Blood pressure would rise, participants would begin sweating, and their ability to perform these tasks declined.  Many of them gave up trying to complete the tasks altogether, saying that they couldn't continue under the conditions. 

So researchers decided to introduce a new layer to the test. In order to reduce anxiety, the researchers provided a button in the room that the participants could push to make the noises stop if they became too uncomfortable. As expected, the button brought significant results. Participants were able to stay calmer, make fewer mistakes, and become less irritated while completing the test.

But here's the wild thing: 
None of the participants actually pressed the button. 

It appears that the real difference maker in the distress was not actually stopping the noises, but knowing that the button was there, and they could get some sort of relief from their distress if needed. Participants were able to handle the stress if they knew that there was another option- even when they didn’t use it. It shocked researchers. The presence of the button made all the difference. 

Community matters--more than we know.  
Even when we don’t use it. 

It’s like that when we are going through hard times. The stress of a difficult season or the strain of a major loss feels like too much of a weight to bear. The thick fog of depression can leave someone feeling acutely alone. The overwhelming season of child-raising can bring massive exhaustion. The struggle of work stress can feel hopelessly suffocating. And financial fears and tight budgets can make it almost impossible to concentrate on getting other tasks done. 

But we have a button. 

The calling of a Jesus-centered Church is to be a people who bear each other’s burdens. We offer buttons for each other in times of pain. No, we cannot always take away each others' pain, heartache, or suffering. But we can do something. We can sit with a friend. We can buy a cup of coffee. We can help each other with groceries. We can let someone know they’re not alone and that they are loved. 

Sometimes knowing that the button exists is enough to make a difference. Even if someone doesn’t take us up on it, there is still power in communicating care. There is still impact from knowing that we are not alone. The simple act of communicating options for support in the middle of one's struggle has a proven and profound impact. 

So friends, don’t sit back and say, “Well, there’s not much I can do, so I’ll just stay silent.” We may not always know how to reach out to each other. But we can still find ways to show up in our bumbling, imperfect humanity. Because when people know that you genuinely care about them, it can change their very outlook on life. 

This can be hard. In a culture of isolation and individualism, we have normalized a quiet assumption that folks know that we care. It's as if we feel like we may offend someone if we say, "Hey, I care about you, and if you need something, I'm available." Perhaps it's time to be a little more direct about this "love for others" that Jesus told us we'd be known by. Let's use our words to be unambiguous. 

And lest we feel too much pressure, this goes deeper than our interpersonal support of each other as disciples of Jesus. Within our spirits, we have a button that we hesitate far too long to push--the promise of supernatural presence and peace, accessed through the relational act of prayer. The invitation of Jesus has hovered in our collective imagination for 2,000 years: 
Come to me, and I will give you rest. 

Yes, prayer is mysterious and it's not linear and there's no magic formula to "feel God." And yet the presence of God in the midst of overwhelm and chaos is one of the most beautiful things a person can experience in this life, sustaining generations through mistreatment, tragedy, uncertainty, and the exhausting work for justice. And then, when our hearts become settled with the peace of Jesus’ love, we are in a far better position to practice empathy toward each other. Then we can offer that button of compassion and shared care to each other with open hands and humble hearts. Indeed, it will then flow naturally. 

Maybe today is a good day to ask these questions:
-Am I living deeply enough with God to have true empathy for others? 
-What buttons can I provide for others around me who might be struggling silently? 
-What would it look like for me to clearly communicate my care and availability to those around me who might need support? 

God, grow our hearts of compassion so that we may offer your love and support to both neighbor and stranger. Shape us with eyes to see each person, and give us courage to do something.  

Peace,
Keith