11/17 Sitting With Jesus

Silence and Stillness before God (2 minutes)

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
Matthew 11:28 
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Written by Anna Brewster
A personal journal entry:

As I sit here staring out the window into the dull gray of the evening sky, I see pockets and feathers of blush pink and sandy peach, windows of pale blue, and I crave the expanse of the world outside the walls of my house. Tears stream down my cheeks and I wonder why life has to feel so hard. So hard to pick myself up and keep going with a smile for others, an intentionally kind tone when I just want to snap, wanting so badly to be a source of love, acceptance, forgiveness, fun and joy for my kids but struggling in an environment charged so often by negativity, conflict, hostility and unrestrained expression of emotional upset and needs. Needing reminders multiple times a day, sometimes every few minutes, to refocus on trust in Jesus to bring me through another day when I feel so overwhelmed with everything and so utterly worn. Wishing someone would take care of me instead of always being the caretaker and peacemaker- constantly needed, constantly wanted, constantly demanded of. The sensations of feeling like I’m going to explode or implode course through me while I allow my emotions to bubble up, be seen, heard and acknowledged, without feeling an urgency to act or create judgements. I choose to sit at the feet of Jesus. 

       He listens. I pour out my upset and he just lets me talk and He listens. He doesn’t judge me for where I am on the journey. He doesn’t tell me I should be further ahead. He doesn’t try to fix everything. He doesn’t get frustrated with me for my lack of faith and my tears and frustration. He just opens His arms. I tell Him that no matter how hard it feels on this earth, I still choose Him. Then I sit and listen. I’m not very good at it yet but I’m quiet. I breathe deeply- cool air in, filling my lungs, slight pause, exhale. Again. Again. As I sit there in the silence with Jesus, it all begins to lift. The weight, the pressure, the hopelessness, the darkness closing in – it’s replaced by a lightness that I feel from top to bottom. My head feels less foggy and heavy, the path in front of me more clear and bright. Nothing in my physical world – my environment, challenges, disappointments, limitations – no changes were made. But I shifted my cares from my shoulders to Jesus’. Not by any great doing on my part, because it was mostly just expressing my troubles and asking for His help. And then choosing Him above everything else that feels so real in this earthly life. I am keenly aware that felt release doesn’t always come so immediately, so I bask in it today for the breath of fresh air that it is. 

            As I sit with Jesus, I am filled with the comforting awareness that His desire and plan for His people - for His bride - for me – is for complete PEACE and JOY without limits. That’s His heart. And I can access that now no matter what it looks like around me. I can BE and WALK in that joy and love and peace because I know how the story ends. Not all of the details. But I know the important part. Jesus wins and I get to BE WITH HIM. That’s the best thought ever. Best goal ever. Best existence ever. No sin. No hate. No pain. Just every person experiencing God‘s love in their deepest parts every day, without hindrance. That’s my future. That’s my hope- WITH Jesus forever. 
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Jesus, please help me set the hope of my eternity with You before me every day as a shining beacon of JOY and HOPE for my future. What I’m facing now will not last. It will not be dark forever. YOU are forever - forever good, forever limitless, forever love. I rest in Your arms and in Your future.

Conclude with Stillness (2 minutes)