What Would Jesus Say

"The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”
-Jesus, Mark 12:31

For months I've been journeying with 5 other pastors in a weekly coaching cohort, with the goal of exploring our inner lives and moving toward health and healing. It's been life-changing as I prepare for my upcoming sabbatical. And yep, pastoring for nearly two decades has worn me down and left me ragged in a number of ways. I'm not sure why this sort of reality isn't openly talked about very much. It's probably because pastors fear that if they show signs of weakness and exhaustion, they are failing as spiritual leaders. A piece of me used to think like that. But not anymore. 

This week our cohort conversation was about self-compassion, and how often this element is overlooked in the Christian journey. For many of us, there's a deeply ingrained mindset that we should be compassionate toward others, but harsh on ourselves. You know- cut it off if it causes you to sin kind of harshness. There are plenty of verses for that, and I believe we need to look honestly at destructive actions. But this attitude extends far beyond sin. If we feel inadequate or limited or we fail in any way, the mindset is to just dig in and grind a little harder. It's the gospel of self-improvement. God helps those who help themselves! I'm intimately familiar with it in my internal monologue. C'mon, Keith. Just be better. At everything. 

The problem is that this can completely bypass the central part of God's story, that real transformation happens from knowing our belovedness in God's eyes. God's kindness, the scriptures say, is what leads us to becoming whole (Rom 2:4). And Matthew reminds his readers that Jesus would fulfill Isaiah's prophecy about a Messiah so gentle on those who felt weak, that: 
"A bruised reed he will not break, 
and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out" (Matt. 12:20).

Even those of us who proclaim God's gentleness on others frequently struggle to embrace the same spirit inwardly in self-compassion. We hear the invitation from Jesus saying, "come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" and we make sure that those around us understand how good that news is for them. And all the time, the harsh critic of that internal monologue fails to offer the same tenderness that we believe God gives. 

During our group dialogue, I realized that one of the keys to deeper self-compassion lies in developing a greater imagination. We believe that Jesus is with us all the time, but we rarely take time to imagine his posture toward us during some of the most difficult moments in our past. And it can change how we see ourselves. It can be transformative. 

What do you think Jesus wants to say to the 9 year old you that thought he had to make everyone laugh in order to be loved? 
What do you think Jesus wants to say to your young mom self who felt like she was always on the edge of breaking down? 
What do you think Jesus wants to say to the 30 year old you that was battling addiction and spiraling out of control? 
What do you think Jesus wants to say to the 40 year old you that walked through that unimaginable divorce?
What do you think Jesus wants to say to the you that felt absolutely shattered when you didn't get the promotion at work? 
What do you think Jesus wants to say to the you who walked through your child's chronic illness and had to be strong for everyone? 
What do you think Jesus wants to say to the you who wakes up and feels worthless and unmotivated to do anything? 

Perhaps this week, you can courageously look back at your life and the things that hurt the most. Look back and consider those moments of failure or striving or inadequacy. What would Jesus's gentle compassion sound like in those moments? How might that lead you to new levels of self-compassion and transformation?

Consider Jesus sitting with you, embracing you, crying with you, reminding you of your belovedness. You may find that the grace-filled words of Jesus toward your former self will soften your own attitudes toward your current self. 

God's grace is for all the parts of you-- even the parts that you are frustrated by or that feel deeply broken. 

Jesus, be gentle with me today. And teach me to do the same. 

Peace,
Keith

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